39 years

Friday I turned 39.  And can I ask.....

where did the last 10 years of my life go?  

29 I had it all, a job I loved, money, was building a townhouse, great friends, fun nights out...but thought I had nothing, nothing but the promise of an amazing future, 

and a very simple life.

  So...I married, had a baby, a husband, a new house with a pool, the appearance of stability and thought...I have it all.

For a while. 

 But if you know me you know, I didn't really have it all. I have an amazing kid but to be honest (this is going to sound mean so brace yourselves)...that's IT. Loved ones died, promises were broken and honesty and simplicity were nowhere to be found.

"Just make it through the day in one piece" got me here....to 39.

The last 10 years my life got messy.  Tangled up, I felt trapped, confused and lost my sense of reality.  What IS it I want? What IS it I should do?  

So at 39 I realize I can't just "get through the day".  I need to keep the balance of harmony in my life.  If I don't, I know I'll wake up saying I am 49 and lost another 10 years.  I am tired of being angry, I am tired of being complacent, I am tired of doing "what I should".

I spent my 39th birthday emptying out my house and selling off most of my belongings. I am letting go. I am letting go so I can move forward.  These things I have collected, they built a life I never wanted.  So I building a new one.  One that only includes people who bring me joy, work that makes me happy everyday and one that makes me remember that 10 years is a long time to fill with amazing adventures!